Twas the Morn of Preg Checking
2003 is the third year I've used this rendition of "Twas the Night Before Christmas." My life has changed a lot
since I first wrote this column and so this year I did a little updating. My dog Rudy passed on last year but my cow
"Head-butt" is still going strong. She's still as loveable and as painful to be around as the story makes her out. Have
a Merry Christmas.
Twas the morn of preg checking and all through the house, I was the only thing stirring, the kittens got the mouse.
wear a back belt but it no longer fits, due to Lisas great cooking and my eating of it..
No longer reason to tie the pups
to a tire, Rudys passed on and Muffin is retired.
With one leg in my Car-harts and one in the bed, I watched
Mick in the Morning and the news he read.
When out on the lawn I heard a diesel clatter, I sprang from our bed to
see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash, Tripped over a trim board and got a nice gash.
moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow, Made it look too dang cold to start this show.
Now bear with me as I try
make this rhyme, It was old Doc Cater and he was right on time.
As I considered the task, ahead of us lay, I thought to
myself-how bout Saturday?
As I poured out some corn, my cattle they came, And I hacked and then coughed, and called them
Now Head-Butt, now, Short-Ears, Now Lil Miss and Kitten, Come on, Boss, Come on Boss- Uh-Oh, they listened!
the top of the fence! Make salvage of it! Just wreck the whole thing then we can just quit.
The ground trembled before
wild cattle on the fly, I hoped and I prayed and then covered both eyes.
So up to the feeders the cattle they flew.
I sighed with relief, Doc Cater did too.
And then in a twinkling they went for the barn, Cattle intent on doing great
As I drew in my hand and was turning around, Out the door old Head-butt came with a bound.
She was wearing a
gate round her hairy black neck, and was leading the rest out the door, now wrecked.
A group of young calves, had followed
her round, And they looked like young cowboys, just out on the town.
My hands---how they trembled! The vet dried my tears.
I could see an impending breakdown was near!
I was about to give-up, success was nowhere near, Then along came a man and
eight tiny reindeer.
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth, And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and was a round little bloke, Chasing cows, I thought, might give him a stroke.
He was chubby
and plump, but he was the boss, and he rode those reindeer, like a man with a hoss.
With a wink of his eye and a shake
of his mane, Elves poured out of his sleigh with pink cattle canes!
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And corralled those dang cows; then turned with a jerk.
His mouth fell open and then it shut, He looked in the field,
wed missed old Head-Butt.
He sprang to his sleigh, with his foot hit the gas, He said, that ones too mean, well have to
But I heard him exclaim, as those reindeer peeled out. Im a cattle panel dealer, next week, gimme a shout!